Breaking roots and growing new ones someplace else.

My whole sentient life seems like it has been a neverending series of instances where I realize that I'm a few cunt hairs away from one negative extreme or another. Is that what my life is? just fending off disaster day to day? Every time someone pisses me off or gets in my business for no reason I have to decide yes or no. Do I "yes" knee-jerk and immediately beat on their face until it becomes concave? or do I continue living with little or no incident.. repeating the cycle every day, several times a day until I'm too weak to be able to decide? It makes you wonder.. if every human on this earth dealt with their anger immediately instead of repressing, would it be better or worse? There would certainly be less people, as a matter of course.. that in itself would be better for whatever population remained as well as the planet and everything else that lives on it. The world would be a very violent place for awhile, but the populace would be weaned, and those left would be forced to think very differently about everything. Wouldn't that be better than a massively bloated population of sentient beings who delude and constrain themselves everyday to fit into society.. a construct.. an artificial institution that erodes nature in virtually every capacity. When you think the same for too long.. even to preserve a seemingly harmonious society, your mindset stagnates. Sometimes, doing something different, even if it hurts or seems destructive.. is all that can save the life of whatever that enduring thought was created to protect. Sometimes breaking the pattern is ultimately more important than the pattern itself.

Waking thoughts

First thing I thought of when waking up this morning was: Everything alive on this earth is dying. Life begets life.. and on and on.. but each generation is weaker than the last. Each generation benefits from less minerals, less oxygen, more corruption, pollution, contamination and erosion. dysfunction, mutation, deviation, derision.. increasingly aggressive and deadly, evolving pathogens. Poisonous "medicines", stress, population bloat, societal "ideals". We spend our entire lives carving out a sliver of time in which to enjoy life.. and by that time, we're climbing into the grave. In the end, everything that lives succumbs to corruption.. be it organic, societal or financial. If it relates to humans.. all three. I thought of all that... and then I went back to sleep.

Fuck Nowadays Halloween.

You know what? I don't fucking like Halloween. I realize that may be a shock because I like horror movies, demons, jackolanterns, bats, etc.. First off.. I don't like children. I don't buy candy, I don't answer the door, I don't wear costumes. The last costume I wore was a Terminator costume in grade school. I think Halloween caters to the whole "LOOK AT MEE!!!!" mentality that is already an everyday mode for too many people in the first place. I also hate how it has become so mainstream.. and like fireworks, which I also hate.. it's a way for society to make death and evil "safe" and "fun".. in effect, to try to downplay or nullify the severity and serious nature of those things so it's fun for the whole family. FUCK that shit. This mentality has gotten so out of hand that there are zombie proms and group zombie walks now.. dumbest fucking thing ever. When you nerf something extreme down over decades.. it loses all it's allure and significance and becomes boring, predictable and milktoast like every other goddamned thing. I dunno.. I've almost always hated all holidays anyhow.. maybe because they have all become commercialized. You always have to buy something.. candy, turkey, presents, flowers, chocolates, etc.. and the only tradition being honored truthfully at this point is that corporations get paid every year. The whole phenomenon makes me fucking ill. Like I said, I LOVE horror movies and dark subject matter, but I don't enjoy what society has done with those things I guess. Meh, maybe I'm just a miserable old bastard. Maybe?

1:07AM musing

There are few things more satisfying in this world than dialing in a high end piece of machinery to your perceived level of perfection.. It's about as close to perfect as anything that does not occur naturally can possibly get.

One big, eternal punchline...

I have no clue what is wrong with me. Is it normal to get mad enough to want to kill people every fucking day? I can't see how
that passes for a life. 99% of everything in this world leaves me disgusted, frustrated or killing mad.. I hate what humans are, hate what I am.. We are nothing more than greedy creatures who have fooled ourselves into believing that we belong in this massive construct called society.. and to exist in this society in the proper manner, we have to be focused and obsessed with the societal ideal of a nuclear family, successful, economically viable career, house, 2 or 3 cars and retirement plan. If you have all that, you are supposed to be content finally, but from what I know and have seen, those people are just as miserable, perhaps moreso than the guy panhandling on the street. You bust your ass for 70% of your life and by the time you have earned the right to enjoy life and the world we live in, you are too old and beaten down to do so. It's all a big fucking joke and if we aren't laughing, I wonder who is.

Self defeating, false evolution.

I have not, nor will I ever be honestly, politically correct. The very thought sickens me and makes me angry.
Politically correctness is nothing more than a shackle, a constraint on free thought, imposed by an increasingly
weak and morally burdened society. How the hell can an individual be "free" when there are so many guidelines imposed
in order to live in harmony with others? What ever happened to "I will think what I think, and you can do the same.. If you don't
agree, so be it." I acknowledge only nature's laws... man's laws are nothing more than a feeble construct meant to oppress
the majority and keep them producing, procreating and consuming. What sense is there in telling other human beings that they aren't even allowed to consume certain plants or fungi that grow naturally upon the same ground we were originally birthed on?
Power, control, society.. all illusions.. Masterfully crafted illusions to be sure, but nothing more. Capitalism, Socialism, Marxism, Communism.. all contrived. All based on our projections of how the order of things should be. Nihilism makes more sense than any of those. As imperfect as nihilism may seem, it is more natural, more possessed of an indisputable logic that we humans just can't seem to grasp with our short lifespans. Order may rise over and over again, but it must always submit to chaos.. always. Chaos is the fabric of this universe, the liquid that is ever in motion. Order is merely the buildup of debris and scum that must inevitably be eroded and flushed away to ensure that progress and evolution continue. Sharks aren't the only organisms that die when they stop moving.. make no mistake.

The enemy.

The enemy cuts deep this night… with knives made of pain, regret, emptiness, failure.

The enemy knows that it is best to cut out the middle man… What has metal to do with pain and death when the stuff of the universe itself rises to shape and forge your weapon? Why bother in material stuffs when absolute purity of force and direction, and murderous intent of the highest caliber are ample and within grasp? There is no middle-man in this world, no call for his wares. In this place, death has had all it will ever need of practice. In this place economy and speed are one in the same, and life is cheaper than at any time on the timeline of humanity's existence.

*Funny how the very construct and concept of economy exists even in scenarios imagined and however wildly exaggerated.